37 weeks picture + my bikini wax and massage experience if you'd like to keep reading

37 weeks and 1 day.

Saturday morning dawned bright and early with me dragging my very pregnant ass into Truett's bed in a sad attempt to get him to stay in his own bed all night. Right? Make sense? This post is going to be about the pregnancy massage and bikini wax - if you can take it - but right now I've got to diverge just a little. 

Truett has gotten into the habit of climbing into our bed in the middle of the night. This happens to be something I love. I mean, it's nice that he goes to bed in his own bed, that Bud and I have a couple of hours to ourselves afterwards - for me this is why I couldn't co-sleep all the time (though I understand totally). But then he'll drag his sleepy self into our room and cuddle right up against my back and fall asleep because you remember how that feels, right? You wake up alone in your own room, heart pounding from some odd baby anxiety and then climb into your parents warm bed and your heartbeat immediately slows to a soft thud and you bliss back out to sleep? Me too. But we have a newborn about to make his or her appearance and I just can't wrap my brain around the many-wake-ups in our bed for nursing + Truett sleeping in between. So now I end up in Truett's bed when he gets up. MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

Truett and Bud trundled into Bud's truck - T very excited and hollering about how "the forest" was his "faborite! faborite! faborite!" They had an excellent and muddy time and I got to sneak off to my pregnancy grooming appointment.

I scheduled the wax for before the massage in the hopes that the sequence would be pain THEN relaxation. Here's what actually happened.

The waxing attendant (?) asked me to lie down on the table - standard - and helped prop my back up with a few towels. Here's the thing, before you get pregnant, lying on your back pregnant seems like no big deal. But for some reason it is SUPER difficult. Baby and everything with it puts so much pressure on organs that aren't used to being pressed and it's just...weirdly uncomfortable. 

Then there's the pain of the actual ripping. (I realize some of you are rolling your eyes like, and this is necessary why?) My upper lip began to sweat and I could feel the bile rising. I closed my eyes, tried to breathe. This is all in your head Hope, RIIIIIP! ALL IN YOUR HEAD HOPE DEAR JESUS I PROMISE TO QUIT SPLASHING YOUR NAME ALL OVER MY WEBSITE IN VAIN RIIIP! JESUS CHRIST.

So yeah. I had to ask for a break. In the middle of a bikini wax, with a belly as big as the above picture, no pants on and throw away underpants. 

I crouched onto my side until my heart rate returned to normal and then she was able to finish. She brought me a glass of water and some pretzels and looked terrified that maybe she'd done something wrong but I just kept trying to explain to her that on the spectrum of pregnancy my body falls squarely onto the far-wimp side. It wigs out easily.

Then I made my way to the room next door for my massage. Now. I have never had a pregnancy massage before and it sounds glorious. Your body's been carrying around 15, 20, 25 extra pounds for several weeks now and hello? Ahhh. My concern though was how I was going to maneuver into a position to have my back rubbed? I'd heard of different ways: pregnancy chairs, table cut-outs for belly and lying on your side. This particular spa uses tables with cut outs for your belly.

I don't know, I just think this is naive. Even with a cutout, you're still putting pressure on your belly, hips, breasts. But I gave it the old college try - which a few years ago would have meant getting drunk ahead of time - and it started out okay. Until the room started spinning and the reverse feelings of pressure began to make my upper lip sweat, my organs felt like they were about to come out of my mouth and finally I was all fuck this, I've got to speak up. Speak up girls! Speak up!

She was super accomodating and helped me wallow onto my side, put the insert back into the table and even handed me some pillows for support. It ended on a fantastically relaxing note and now I can share with you these words of wisdom if you find yourself in a similar position:

1. yes, having someone rip hair from between your legs is sort of awkward, but don't be afraid to speak up. Taking a little break is no big deal and you can always laugh and insert something deprecating about pregnancy once your heart has stopped blending itself to shreds in your belly.

2. if you do get a pregnancy massage - and I recommend you do - explain ahead of time that you might like to try two or three positions before you're sure of being comfortable. You can even say, "my crazy friend Hope nearly yakked during hers until she realized being on her side worked best." I don't care. But you're paying for a massage, make the best of it.

3. get a recommendation for people who have worked with pregnant women before. Both of these ladies were super professional, accomodating and the wax - while not pleasant - was well-mitigated because I could tell my attendant was a professional.

Cheers to happy pregnancies!