Do you stay home or work outside the home?

I wasn't entirely sure of what to write about today until I started messaging with a girlfriend of mine on facebook. We've been friends since the ninth grade and she has two kids as well. She's considering going back to work for a number of reasons - a bunch of the usual - and asked what I planned to do when the kids got older.

I'm not sure. Of course we have a few years until everyone's in school (and I'd love a third child to boot!), but I chew on it sometimes. I always knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but then what? My mother (mostly) stayed home, even after we were all in school. There were four of us, after all, so there was always plenty to do and I remember feeling secretly grateful that she was home, even as I got older. But then of course the reasons for working outside the home are huge too. A second income - not just for the money, but also to alleviate some of your spouse's stress level - and feelings of creativity and accomplishment (that can be hard to find at home) are a few of the many reasons to go back. 

I'll try not to get too much on my soapbox, but I do get frustrated that it seems like such a black and white choice: be gone from kids & home all day or be home with kids all day. I'd love to work some from home, trade childcare with friends and family - a more integrated approach, maybe?

What'd you think? If you stay home, do you plan to go back to work one day (outside work!)? If you work, do you ever feel compelled to quit & stay home (if financially possible)? Tricky, huh?

Comments

[HannaH]

Funnily enough, I always thought I'd SAH, just like my mum. But then it turns out I'm a more patient, fun, creative, energetic mum when I WOH too. So that's what I do and it's turning out very well for our family. I don't think the options are black and white (many of my WOH friends have all kinds of hours and flexible work arrangements), but I find people's OPINIONS about the topic are very black and white. It's real "mommy war" territory - maybe the very trenches themselves? I try not to engage because people will make the decision that's right for them. I do get thoroughly turned off, though, when someone asserts that I am letting others "raise my kids." It's the one opinion that gets me all riled up. And yes, I have been told that. To my face. Not sure what it says about all the dads out there that work? I'm just happy to have a choice. We'll see if I make the same choice in a few years. I hear life only gets busier once kids are in school?!!

[Jackie]

I'm only 3 months in to the SAHM gig, but so far I really enjoy it. In a few years, if the right opportunity comes along, I would go back. I do miss the community of the office. Right now, I feel like it is such a privilege to stay home with my baby because its something I never thought we would be able to swing, financially. Hopefully in the future I can find a job with school hours and summers off without being a teacher. Do those jobs even exist?

[Hope]

Hannah - what I think I mean more than just flexible hours is how odd it strikes me - anthropologically - for humans to work far away from where they live. You're cut off from kids in one situation and cut off from other people (& labor) in the other. I'm not saying kid rearing isn't often hands-on, but it can also be passive and so some combination - including more community - seems more appealing to me (think baby in sling for the first 6 months). Perhaps I'm just romancing some non-existent prehistoric society (wouldn't be the first time).

Jackie - I'm hoping they do! I'd love to work part-time (at something I love!) once all kids are in full-time school :) Can't wait to meet your sweet little baby one of these days!! xoxoxo

[HannaH]

Perhaps join a commune? lol! I don't know :) Thanks for the interesting, thought-provoking post!