Oh wait, what's that? Seriously? HAVE I NEVER INTRODUCED YOU GUYS TO SCRAPS?
Meet Scraps, the parrot who has been terrorizing my family since, oh 1993? We bought him for my mother as a Christmas present. If by Christmas present you mean something that has the lifespan of a geriatric tortoise and routinely trashes the house. Christmas present from hell.
Check it ya'll. I'm Scraps and I did NOT come here to win some popularity contest. In fact, quite the opposite. You should SEE THEM DUCK when I come flapping into a room. No kidding, one time one of those fools was talking to me a little too closely, right? Well, not talking TO me but rather talking AT me the way they do. Morons. Anyway, I bit RIGHT through her tongue! Whee! That registers as one of my favorite. days. ever.
Somewhere along the line I learned to mimic the high-pitched beep of a smoke alarm and if that isn't a dinner party guest pick-me-up, then I don't know what is. I can chuckle, burp and answer the phone. I whistle for the dog who's been gone eight years, the poor dumb thing. He probably thought someone actually had a treat for him.
But the best story? The one I am saving for that fine day when I finally break loose? ONE TIME THEY TRIED TO GIVE ME AWAY BUT I CAME BACK. HAAAAAAA. That other household couldn't "handle" me or something like that but really, I had it all planned out. I knew I'd be back. ONCE YOU GO SCRAPS YOU NEVER GO BACK.
Chased someone under a piano once, have pooped on thousands of shirts and oh, hee hee, I've ruined so many pieces of furntire you wouldn't BELIEVE IT. I have a special affinity for the cane backing on chairs or stools. I don't know, something about that texture. YUM.
I make cats stand back and dogs cry.
You don't know me, you just wish you did.
HAHA! One of the funniest posts yet! Because it's true - I remember ducking from that dang bird on several occasions. I would have been less scared of a great dane pouncing on me!
Posted by: Jackie | March 05, 2010 at 02:21 PM
When I lived in Panama, I had that bird's ancestor. Felipe. Ouch.
Posted by: Nancy | March 05, 2010 at 04:29 PM
he bit thru my lip, not tongue. and you forgot the time alex haig banged his head on the counter desperately trying to escape from him...suuuummmmerrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by: ga | March 05, 2010 at 05:17 PM
Ga - I know, mom reminded me of that.
Jackie - AHAHAHA great dane pouncing!
Nancy - does it seem spooky to you how your life/your mother's mirrors mine/my mother's so much? Oooooh.
Posted by: Hope Sypert | March 05, 2010 at 05:26 PM
HYSTERICAL!!! Hope you are enjoying your visit in FL. Hi to your parents.
Posted by: Amy | March 06, 2010 at 05:36 AM
My grandmother had a sun conyer named Archie. He drew blood from all of us at one time. The she got a Jack Russel who promptly put the bird in his mouth and broke its neck. No one was really sad. Until she got ANOTHER conyer, at the age of 85. Our family gatherings always end up in a fight regarding who will inherit this lovely creature.
Posted by: Jen Gagnon | March 06, 2010 at 01:29 PM
Jen - that is too funny. Bud and I often have that conversation. I happen to be one of the only people in the family who actually likes the bird so Bud is terrified we'll inherit him. Honestly, I think we'd all be happier if we could find some nice farm where he could run free with all of the other parrots.
Posted by: Hope Sypert | March 06, 2010 at 04:40 PM
like the farm Duke went to?
Posted by: ga | March 09, 2010 at 06:15 PM
Exactly like the farm Duke went to.
Posted by: Hope Sypert | March 10, 2010 at 06:50 AM