Grape Did It

Family

Hey, what's up?

Not much. You?

I just wanted to check and make sure everything was okay?

What'd you mean?

Your facebook update, it's kind of...odd.

WHAT DID YOU DO YOU ASSHOLE?

All I'm saying is, you should have never given me your password. Toodles!

******

Hey.

Yeah, picking my nose, very funny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, you tangle with a snake, you get bitten!

What, your fangs are of made of butter? Picking my nose? Good one. 

Oh. 

2.22.10

2.21.10

2.20.10

Saying goodbye

It had to happen and HOLY GOD AM I GLAD IT DID. A few days ago Sadie started acting differently with her baby. Well, her little brown rubber bear baby.

 She was still carrying it around in her mouth, whining at odd intervals, looking up at me pleadingly almost as if to say you take a turn, I'm tired. And then I'd be all ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? I've got one, and believe me, it's a hell of a lot harder than that bizarre relationship with an inanimate object YOU'VE got going on. Now go way.

But then things got...weird. She sat down and began chewing on the small bear's head. HM. That doesn't seem biologically appropriate, I thought. Still, I didn't want to tear her away from her BABY. After all, I GET IT. 

Then, no lie, Sadie began dropping her baby off at my feet to go to the food bowl and eat. What do I look like Sadie, your daycare plans?

These drop offs and chewings and general lack of motherly behavior(s) eventually lit a lightbulb over my head and so I simply grabbed the toy and stuck it on the windowsill above the sink. She hasn't made a peep over it since. 

Anyone want to come over for a very small bonfire? Incidentally, does rubber burn?

2.19.10

2.18.10

The Opposum Story

I'm being very clear in my title because certain people - mainly Summer - cannot handle stories like this one I'm about to tell.

I cannot believe I have not already told it, but in this brave new world of social media sometimes I get confused over which medium I've used to communicate, "Did I tweet the possum story?" "Did I put it on Facebook?" "Do people care?" DOES IT MATTER YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR IT ANYWAY.

A few weeks ago I traveled to Virginia while Bud traveled to...his business trip. Sometimes keeping up with all of the places he goes is tiresome so I don't do it very well. You remember, this happened while I was in Virginia. Fun times. I also didn't sleep for several nights in a row but neither did the entire household so hey! You're welcome for the visit Summer and family!

Anyway. Bud got home a day and night before me and was going on and on about some possum he'd seen in our driveway. Possum this, possum that, I didn't listen very hard because a. gross and b. Bud is always yammering about something in nature. Probably a lot of what he says is pretty important but I lack a little something called an attention span. For instance, my phone just registered a message and I nearly grabbed it to check when I stopped myself because WRITING and BABY ASLEEP and DON'T GET MUCH TIME TO DO THIS USUALLY. (Was it you who left the message KH? Because you are SO on my list right now.)

What did finally snap me to attention though was the email pictures Bud sent out the next day. Of the possum. Of him HOLDING THE POSSUM. Ahem.

As someone who grew up firmly in the suburbs, I too share your GAAAAAAAAAH. WHAT THE HELL?! SPIIIT (that's you, spitting out your coffee). Or just the general EWWWWW. A raccoon, I can handle, but this thing? I need another shower just from posting.

It played dead, my lovely husband took the opportunity to MAKE PICTURES WITH IT and then put it down gently to scamper back off into the night. Don't get me wrong, I had no desire to kill it, just also no desire to even SEE IT.

So fast forward to yesterday when Bud called me to tell me about a really cool new website called vark.com! It is really cool, you can ask direct questions and get direct answers and believe me this will do WONDERS for my already indecisive nature but anyhow not the point. I pull up vark.com this morning to ask about sleep training (don't even ask, or get me started. Please, I beg you.) and it's still logged in as Bud. And you want to know what his avatar is? DO YOU. THIS PICTURE. This very one. 

2.17.10

I bought a pillow and a sweater. There, I saved you the time it would take to read this ridiculous entry.

I have to brag for a sec. Sec, you like that? Oh yeah 1986. I so remember pink banana purses, side ponytails and telling people to, "hang on a sec!" just like I'd seen grown ups do. 

But yeah. So. Bragging. Back to bragging. I've always kind of bitched and moaned that I didn't inherit the shopping gene that my sisters did. They could walk into some sketch little store and, moments later, emerge with WHAT'S THAT? A kick-ass dress for a dollar? What the HELL? I went in there and all I saw were sweaters with shoulder pads and loud patterned designs (AGAIN with the eighties reference).

I give my inability a not-so-politically-correct nickname so let's just keep moving (and I just KNOW Summer is all, if she didn't want to say it, why did she mention it?) (She'd be right, of course, but she's the oldest sister so she is always right. We called her Damage Control in college but that is a story for another time.)

Me, I prefer to walk into some already over-priced store (but HEY! the clothes are all sorted nicely and set up so suckers like me are drawn to the priciest items) and come out like this, "Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't just pay full-price but maybe, like, full price and a half. Eh. At least I didn't have to shop at the <redacted for politically correct reasons> store." ALL THE WHILE COMMENTS LIKE THOSE WERE HIDING JEALOUSY. Green, green jealousy for the biological ineptitudes I was handed (side note, I'm pretty sure my mom didn't nurse me long enough but that's on schedule for my therapy session next week so we won't get into it here.)

Sooooo. Have I strung this out long enough? Baited you much like an over-priced boutique would? Yes? I went to the Goodwill store down the street today and found stuff! Meaningful things! For a dadgummed SONG.

Firstly - drum roll please - I found an ugly throw pillow. I know, ugly, right? HANG ON. Not just any ugly throw pillow but one with a down filled insert. Now any of you non-house decorating types here are all, um I think I'm just going to turn my computer off right now, but wait! Those inserts? The ones used to fill really pretty throw pillows? Those things are expensive! And I got this one for $1.99! (I think Pottery Barn sells them for some ungodly price like eighty million an insert). So check it. My creative self can now sew or buy the cover and put a honest to goodness FEATHER INSERT IN FOR A DOLLAR NINETY NINE. Whew.

Plustly - I found a JCrew sweater for. WAIT FOR IT. A dollar fifty.

Ya'll, I am living proof that DNA deficiencies NEED NOT HOLD YOU BACK.