Sigh. Tomorrow we leave and though, you know, it's always the inevitable, "nice to get back into my routines and water the plants that are probably dead by now," it is also sad. Today we walked around the small town of Weaverville - we are actually closer to that town than Asheville proper - stopped into a furniture store, another store with knick-knacks that made me feel claustrophobic and had Contemporary Christian pumping through the speakers and then to a greasy spoon burger joint where I could not, AS IS BEGINNING TO GET OLD, have a beer. The first few months it seemed easy, this giving up alcohol, and even now it's not hard, hard because, right, duh, it's for the baby's sake and my stomach still feels odd and waaay pickier than normal but sheesh sometimes that glass of red wine looks good. Or wait! Have I ever tried soda water, limeade and vodka? Myyy does that sound tasty. Just a little.
Right now I am sitting in a coffee shop savoring a little time away from all the babies even though they are the ones I will miss most when we leave in the morning. Every time I tote a baby on my hip these days it crosses my mind that soon this will not be a choice and maybe I'm supposed to take advantage of these last few weeks of non-baby living. Which brings me back to the not drinking alchol bit and there you have it, square one. This IS baby living. I'm huge and not allowed to blame my inappropriate comments on outside influences and something has begun kicking my side to the point that it actually hurts and stops me cold on a walk through the nearby woods. What the hell was that? Oh right, there is another PERSON in there. Wait. What?
That's how I feel sometimes these days, I'll look at Bud and think, sometimes out loud, we. are. about. to. have. a. fucking. baby. No. You don't get it. Another PERSON. This is it. More than once I've wondered why no one took us gently by the hand oh, 8 or so months ago and said, um, I don't know how to say this to you but YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. It's like every time, EVERY TIME, I get to the top of a roller coaster and I'm all, hang on a sec, I don't think I like these things what the hellAAAahhh. Wheee. Well, that was fun. Scary, but fun.
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