Grape Did It

I think he's had much office coffee

I emailed Bud a link to two end tables on Craigslist (surprisingly, the owner was not lying through his or her teeth about level of fugly) and here was his response:

"GO for it sister!!"

On the UPSIDE! having more time to cook has been DELICIOUS

So. The things I have learned in the several days I have been without an outside job and visitor-free:

1. I get terribly lonely when the house is too quiet and I am alone too long.

2. Strange, for a professed introvert.

3. I have a hard time with structure even though my To Do list grows ever longer.

4. Which means some days I tear through tasks like a Tasmanian Devil (yesterday), other days I would prefer a nap (today).

5. Panera may genuinely be a life-line. Sounds dramatic, right? But no, getting out of the house into what I affectionately dub "The Land of the Living" can be the difference between a terrible day and a great one.

6. I would really, really like some stay-at-home friends. Just sit at my kitchen table and gab while I clean - I don't require much!

7. I am coming across quite needy, aren't I?

8. Something else about structure. Does anyone else have this problem. You walk into the kitchen for a glass of water only to realize the sink needs clearing out only to realize the small rug you are standing on is crunchy and in need of an outside shake only to realize those weeds are driving you crazy only to realize you were in the middle of folding laundry when you first went for that glass of water which reminds you the living room smells kind of doggy-ish which brings you to the basement to do another load of laundry? Anyone? AM I ADD?

9. Where's a good place to buy furniture that isn't bed-in-a-bag cheesy and yet not high-end-boutique-who-the-HELL-can-actually-afford-that?

10. Wait, number 9 really has nothing to do with learning anything about myself but ADD COMMENT.

11. I should not try to move that couch myself in case it scratches the floor. Again. I can only hope Bud doesn't read down this far.

12. Making grown-up phone calls intimidates me but then, makes me feel proud.

13. Even though on the phone yesterday, while I was "researching" college funds, I was all, "Uuuum, so, what do YOU THINK?" Poor guy was only a phone operator.

14. Lowe's and Home Depot are great but not when wearing high heels. Also, can I get my own paint mixing machine?

15. I need to quit staring at people at coffee shops. I think it makes them twitch.

16. When I watch my belly long enough, Cider's kicks have become visible on the outside. Found that one out in one of my less productive moments.

You may view the following if:

You choose to ignore the lack of rugs, wall hangings, furniture and any and all other cohesive design plans. The living room is particularly on my nerves right now but I am determined to take this new house set up ONE DAY AT A TIME. You don't sense any pressure, do you?

Dining room, no chairs, in desperate need of new paint:

Cider's room-to-be. We're only missing a changing table, dresser, rug, paint, replacement curtains and other decor. WILL NOT STRESS.

Our bedroom.

The office which will eventually also become a guest room. When we find a sleeper sofa we both like and can afford. Translation: never.

The kitchen. The fabulous paint job is entirely the doing of my mother-in-law.

Living room. I love this room but seriously hate the thrown-togetherdness of it right now.

Bathroom number one.

You have  been spared a couple of the other rooms, namely the playroom/third bedroom, second bathroom and spare closet in which we hide dead bodies. They are not viewable as yet.

More assvice from the all-knowing baby book of yore*

Actually, this advice I could kind of get on board with. Still, it's funny to compare how much has changed.

"Many women ask about cigarettes and alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol is safe in limited quantities; a glass or two of wine or a cocktail will do no harm. No one knows for sure whether or not tobacco is harmful to the fetus. It has been shown that women who smoke give birth to somewhat smaller babies. In making a decision about tobacco, the mother should also consider her own health and the increased danger due to smoking of lung and heart disease."

Just wait until I post the bit about personal hygiene.

*Book: A Child Is Born by A. Ingelman-Sundberg/C.Wirsen. Lennart Nilson, photographer.

Lots of weeding

These past two weeks have been a bizarre transition into staying at home although really, what with visitors up until yesterday morning, it had not much sunk in that I would be here, alone, all day, from now on. ALONE. Alone, alone, alone. Echo, echo, echo. Odd because I've always imagined staying at home with my child, children, and it seemed to be an enjoyable combination of housework (okay, so maybe not ENJOYABLE but in that strident, I have a purpose kind of way), child-rearing and creative freedom. The reality is that I, and I'm guessing most people, need structure, especially before Cider gets here and wrecks it all. The structure I've been painstakingly building, that is.

It all makes me wonder if those people who finally, FINALLY get their yacht? Do they wonder then what the hell to do with it?

Most people just don't hide it as well

Hope: Ella, I have a question for you.

Ella: Uh-huh.

Hope: What do you do if you have to pick your nose but aren't near a bathroom (house rule where she lives)?

Ella: You dough to dah bafroom.

Hope: No, but I'm saying, what if you're, say, in the car? And can't GET to the bathroom?

Ella: You dive home and den dough to dah bafroom.

That conversation was yesterday. This one is one she had today in the car, with Summer, on their way home.

Ella: Mama?

Summer: Yes?

Ella: Ten we det a bafroom in da car?

Summer: Why do  we need a bathroom in the car?

Ella: So Hope ten pit her nose.

What kind of girl

Perhaps my favorite part of moving was the discovery I made on some boxes Bud and I had left in Texas for storage. So not only did we have the one thousand three million boxes from our own apartment, but lo! there was a collection waiting in Texas in an attic full of really cool surprises like old pictures from college that I should probably go ahead and burn right now considering we are about to bring a child into this world. And papers that I have no recollection of writing or God knows why they were packed up AS IF VALUABLE.

But the best part? The not embarrassing AT ALL part was when Bud brought the boxes home and I saw the writing in bright red. This particular box had videos in it - right? Videos probably of the dumb variety. The obligatory Old School, maybe an old copy of French Kiss or Sabrina. Oooh those are good. Anyway, in HILARIOUS JEST, I labeled the box "Videos" and then, in even more HYSTERICAL lettering in parentheses was the word "Sex". Because, you know, that is just SO FUNNY HOPE.

And then. THEN. It sat in my in-laws attic for two years.

I think she's heard this one before

"Ella, I need you to help me find my watch."

"Your watch?"

"Yes, the one you were playing with earlier."

"You find it mama."

"But you know where you put it."

"Just say, 'I think I can, I think I can,'"

And gobbling Cutchin's cheeks

Summer and the babies came into town last night although I guess I shouldn't say babies plural, seeing as Ella has officially declared herself an adult what with her demands for adult sized yogurt and the way she carries "Suzie" around in order for her to go to the doctor. She even stood by the guest room door and yelled out, "Ella Wynn?" (her doll's name had inexplicably changed) to indicate that it was time for Ella to see the doctor.

Bud's parents left yesterday morning and, along with more moving help than I could have possibly asked for, left a little wooden stepping stool to sit next to our high-sitting bed. This morning Ella dragged it over to the mirror to apply her makeup while I curled my hair. I ran to get my camera so that I could actually, you know, have a new Daily Photo up, but guess what? CAN'T FIND THE CAMERA CORD THAT CONNECTS TO THE COMPUTER. I don't know what I was expecting - it was almost as if I thought to open a box and just see it sitting there, waiting to be used.

Among other choice bits from Ella this morning:

"Hope, your teeth are yellow."

"Bertha (her doll) used to be in my belly just crying and kicking."

"I dreamed about my yellow watch."

"Where are your keys? I need keys for the back door."

With permission, of course

Anon Grape Did It Reader number 1: "Are you reading Hope's blog?"

Anon Grape Did It Reader number 2: "Yes."

AGDIR number 1: "I read that thing about her squirrel vagina. Pretty intense for a blog."