Grape Did It

I can hook you up with this kind of drink

"What's in this drink?"

"Mr Pibb, Diet Coke and a little Sprite,"

"What...really?"

"Yes,"

"Why?"

"Because I like to live on the edge,"

Oh wait! Did I tell you we had a flat tire on the way?

Our Manly Men fixing it.

Can we make it to the Mexican border?

Why I love this picture

a. Cari looks like she's about to rocket into outerspace from sheer happiness b. Bud looks slightly confused, like I'm forcing him to pretend we are a couple c. I am holding a beer, naturally, truth in advertizing and all that d. The woods and the rocks are so pretty e. For some reason, in this picture, I see my mom in me f. We've made some friends! In Birmingham! g. We really are, all so happy

A narcissistic picture, but don't look too closely

I do, I'll admit I like this picture (we took at the lake this weekend) hence putting it on my blog. But I blew it up this morning to inspect more closely and well, I wouldn't recommend it.

Just a small rant, really

Wait til you guys see the pictures from our boat trip. I had no idea I could drive a boat like that. So little of an idea that when we pulled back into the dock the boat owner accused us of "driving in circles and churning up mud". I can attest to the fact that I was driving in circles, trying very hard to create a wake for us to splash over - a difficult thing with a boat that won't go faster than 15 miles an hour (if that) and has the turning radius of a Carnival Cruise ship - but churning up mud? Dude, the river was many, many feet deep and I know this because everytime I had to pee I jumped over the side. Into the dark water that was slightly frightening and caused me to pedal my feet hard and splutter to the surface. You just want to bully us into giving you more money. That's redneck boater's insurance.

I think he got the boat at a yard sale, at the end of the day, when everything drops down to a quarter. It was in good shape. The console almost came off whenever you leveraged it to get out of your seat. And the thing is? I'm not above that boat - I liked it's rickity-ness - romantic even. But to claim we caused all kinds of problems? Yeah, that's like saying I NIBBLED MY HARD DRIVE and that's why it's fried. As opposed to the fact that the computer industry really just has us all by the balls and can keep selling PRODUCTS THAT MELT for several hundred dollars - thousands even - and we keep coming back for more.

Why I am always seen muttering To-Do lists under my breath

So I was this . close to coming home today (between shifts), drinking coffee and watching some Sex and The City reruns (thanks Netflix!) but now have a consultation to cram in before work. And dad gets here at 7 (AY EM) tomorrow. And then another consultation! And then work at 4 and Cari and Neil get here late tomorrow night! And then I pass out from all the adrenelin! And come too and drink more coffee! I told Andy (from work) that I keep having this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I am always missing something, like, I just know I have something I am forgetting to attend to. He looked me back straight in the face and said, "Yeah, I know what you mean, but I think maybe you are just losing your mind," Yes, yes I am.

Why I should maybe think before I speak

I walked up to a table this lunch shift and noticed the woman staring intently down at her chicken. Slightly panicked I asked loudly,

"SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHICKEN?"

"No...we're trying to pray,"

"OHMYGODI'MSOSORRY"

Gimme

Go ahead and just hand her over.

My very literal mom

"Ok, so daddy's flight will be there at 7 oclock Saturday morning,"

"So you're saying you expect us to be awake by then?"

"...Uh...yes...because I thought you would be picking him up at the airport?"